


Fanservice is Serious Business

by Phoenix_Soar



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Gen, Heechul takes his fanservice very seriously, M/M, No one stands a chance in the face of Heechul tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 16:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3857692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Soar/pseuds/Phoenix_Soar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Heechul is determined to have Hyukjae and Hyukjae runs to the only hyung that can protect him - Jongwoon. Wait, what?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fanservice is Serious Business

**Author's Note:**

> Plot-less nonsense between my three SuJu biases, which takes place at an imaginary Super Show in Bangkok immediately after Heechul's return from the army, because this is the sort of thing my brain cooks up when I need a break from life.
> 
> Written in 2011, and originally posted at LJ and AFF.

It is not often that Hyukjae takes the initiative to visit Jongwoon, so when the younger man comes bursting in through his hotel room’s door that night, face flushed and eyes wide, Jongwoon greets him with a surprised, but brilliant smile and puts down his phone – on which he has just called up Jongjin to ensure that his brother had remembered to feet his pets on time – in order to give his dongsaeng his undivided attention.  
   
‘Hyukkie,’ he says warmly, sitting up on the mattress and scooting back to lean against the headboard. ‘What brings you here? Did you miss me?’  
   
Before all the words can even leave his mouth, Hyukjae runs around to the far side of his bed, leaps in under the blankets and covers himself all the way up to his dyed burgundy hair. Jongwoon looks down bemusedly at the quivering lump lying beside him, mentally answering his question that apparently no, the other man has not missed him, but clearly wants something else.  
   
Though ... what?  
   
‘Did you ... want to sleep here?’ Jongwoon tries uncertainly, confused.  
   
‘Sshh!’ comes an urgent hiss from under the sheets. ‘ _I – don’t – exist_!’  
   
Jongwoon blinks. ‘Eh...? Hyukjae-ah, did you bang your head somewhere? Of course, you exist; you’re right here –’ He playfully jabs a finger into what he assumes to be his dongsaeng’s lower abs only to get a shocked, very scandalised-sounding gasp in reply and he quickly snatches back his hand, not daring to contemplate what he had just accidentally poked.  
   
‘Oh damn – I’msosorryHyukjaeItotallydidn’tmeanto –!’  
   
Jongwoon’s humiliated and extremely loud apology is cut off by Hyukjae shooting up from under his blankets like some demented monster and lunging himself right on top of his chest so that the older man is completely pushed down on to the bed, pinned underneath his dongsaeng.  
   
‘Hyung,  _hush_! Don’t say another word.’  
   
Hyukjae presses his fingers to Jongwoon’s mouth and the latter’s imagination automatically goes wild at the rather suggestive position he has just been forced into. With Hyukjae practically lying on top of him, not to mention the fact that moments ago, he had unknowingly touched the younger in a spot he probably Should Not Have – oh Hell, no.  
   
_He has just awakened the slumbering beast within Hyukjae, hasn’t he?!_  
   
‘ _Shit_ , Hyukjae!’ Panicking, Jongwoon slaps away the other’s hand from his mouth. ‘Look, it was a mistake, OK!  
   
‘Sshh, please, he’ll hear you!’ He tries to cover Jongwoon’s mouth again with both his hands, but the other is quick to catch his wrists.  
   
‘– I know that we – we all have needs and stuff, but dammit, this isn’t right –’  
   
‘Would you just  _shut up_?!’ Hyukjae snaps frantically, finally losing the honorific in his annoyance.  
  
‘NOT WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO UNLEASH YOUR PRIMITIVE SIDE ON ME, I CAN’T!’  
   
‘ _Hyung, please_! He’s coming for me!’  
   
‘Get off!’  
   
‘DON’T YOU GET IT; HE WANTS TO  _RAPE MY FACE AGAIN_!’  
   
‘NO, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO LET YOU RAPE ME –’  
   
‘Well, well ... lookie what we have here.’  
   
Jongwoon and Hyukjae both snap their heads toward the amused, drawling voice that had sounded from within the hotel room. Standing by the foot of the bed with his arms crossed and a triumphant grin on his face is none other than Kim Heechul, whose lips curl even more when Hyukjae gives a yelp of shock.  
   
‘He-He-Heechul hyung,’ he stammers, looking ready to high tail it out of the room. But then a look of resignation crosses his face and, with a sigh, he drops his head down onto Jongwoon’s chest.  
   
‘Thanks a lot, hyung,’ he grumbles, his voice muffled by the other’s shirt. ‘Why couldn’t you just do as I say and keep quiet? I told you he’d hear you.’  
   
‘I’m still in the room, brat; don’t talk like I’m not here,’ Heechul snaps with a derisive snort as he plops down on the mattress to sit beside Jongwoon, who still has not moved a muscle. Noticing this, the older man slaps his thigh. ‘Oi, you paralysed or something, mutt?’  
   
Senses returning, Jongwoon shoves his dongsaeng off and pulls himself up to lean against the headboard again. ‘What the heck is going on?’ he asks, looking back and forth between the two members on either side of him.  
   
Heechul shrugs. ‘I just cornered Hyukjae because I had this awesome idea for tomorrow night’s concert that the Thai fans here will love, but the moment I mentioned it, he just  _bolted_. I thought he was on laxatives or something.’  
   
‘Er ... oh ...’  
   
‘Turns out he wanted to hide from me. Huh,’ Heechul goes on, looking pointedly at Hyukjae who avoids his eyes, his cheeks flaming. The elder’s mouth curves into a smirk. ‘Well, it’s that  _or_  my suggestion turned him on so much that he needed some immediate action. Never thought he’d come to  _you_  for that, though.’  
   
‘Wha –  _no!_ ’ Hyukjae exclaims, flailing his arms so wildly to emphasise his point that he nearly falls off the bed. Catching himself in time, he looks from the devilishly leering Heechul to the horrified Jongwoon – who has begun to edge away from Hyukjae – and yelps more shrilly, ‘No no  _nooo_! It’s not like that! We’re not like that!’  
   
‘Didn’t look that way to me; you were  _all over him_  when I came in,’ chirps Heechul laughingly, eyes gleaming with mirth.  
   
‘ _No_! We weren’t – I wasn’t – I swear,’ Hyukjae cries frantically. ‘I was just trying to shut you up, Jongwoon hyung, ’cause you were being loud –’  
   
‘– and thought I’d hear you, which I did,’ Heechul finishes for him, voice turning dry. ‘And why were you so afraid of my finding you, Hyukkie, hmm? I just wanted us to talk about it, you know; not  _do_  it right then and there.’  
   
Hyukjae coughs, looking embarrassed and takes to avoiding Heechul’s gaze again while Jongwoon, finally managing to convince himself that his body is not in immediate danger of being violated, dares to ask, ‘So, what exactly is this “it” you were discussing that has Hyukjae so afraid of you, hyung? He did look about to piss his pants when he first came in here, now that I think about it ... Heebongie, you weren’t threatening him or something, were you?’ He frowns disapprovingly at his hyung.  
   
Heechul gives him a look as if he has just been morally wronged. ‘Yah, what do you take me for, Heechul Hitler?!’  
   
‘Then what –?’  
   
‘I was only suggesting to him that since his largest fanbase is here in Thailand and I just got back from the army, we ought to do a bit of collaborative fanservice.’  
   
There is a moment of silence.  
   
‘That doesn’t sound so bad,’ Jongwoon murmurs at length, but Hyukjae looks panicked again and exclaims, ‘I would’ve been OK with it if it’s just hugging or something –’  
   
‘Hyukjae, you’re such a  _girl_ ,’ Heechul rolls his eyes and lets his body drop back on the mattress, ending up with his head on Jongwoon’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Ignoring the gasp, he tilts his head back to look at the youngest man upside down. ‘Hugging is something we all do normally; it hardly counts as fanservice anymore.’  
   
‘But –’  
   
‘And I’m Kim Big Space Star Heechul, dammit! I’ve been away for two bloody years, I need to re-establish my position in Super Junior and I don’t just  _hug_.’  
   
Jongwoon, who has been listening silently to this banter, suddenly feels realisation dawn on him.  
   
‘When you were saying earlier that he wanted to rape your face ...’ He mutters, turning to Hyukjae.  
   
His dongsaeng blushes all the way to the roots of his hair and buries his face in Jongwoon’s upper arm. ‘Yes,’ he moans. ‘I  _told_  you! You finally get it!’  
   
‘Oh, come on,’ Heechul says exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. ‘Should this really come as a surprise to you? Seriously?’  
   
‘Good point,’ Jongwoon murmurs.  
   
‘But Heechul hyung,’ Hyukjae almost whines, raising his face to look pleadingly at him, but before he can get more than those three words out –  
   
‘Do you hate the way I kiss? Is that it? Is that why you’re refusing to do fanservice with me?’  
   
‘I didn’t say that –!’  
   
‘I thought my kissing was pretty good that last time here in Bangkok ... Was I bad then, Hyuk?’  
   
‘No, you were good – I mean, yes! I mean, no – ugh, God, no. What am I  _saying_ ,’ Hyukjae moans, flustered and lost for words to voice out his thoughts.  
   
Jongwoon pats his dongsaeng’s hair awkwardly, feeling awfully out of place in his own room.  
   
‘Then why are you avoiding it?’ demands Heechul huffily, folding his arms across his chest. He almost looks like he is pouting – well, as much as Kim Heechul possibly can – and Jongwoon feels an urge to pat his hair as well. ‘You ran away and hid here to avoid it, didn’t you?’  
   
‘It – it’s just – it’s  _embarrassing_ , hyung,’ Hyukjae finally bursts out desperately. He blushes furiously when Heechul meets his eyes head on, unfazed, and repeats weakly, ‘it’s embarrassing.’  
   
Heechul lets out a long suffering sigh, half-heartedly pushing aside Jongwoon’s caressing hand from his head. ‘Why do you guys make it such a big deal when it’s not? It’s only a kiss. And we’ve kissed before,’ he shoots reproachfully at Hyukjae.  
   
‘I – we ... yes, yes we did,’ Hyukjae’s tone suddenly changes and he sits up. ‘And that was also here in Bangkok, hyung. So – so that’s why it’s a bad idea to do it again. Fans don’t want to see the same old thing, you know?’  
   
‘Were you even listening to me earlier? Majority of them here are  _your_  fans, so of course they’d enjoy fanservice most if it involved you.’  
   
‘But Heechul hyung,’ Hyukjae continues desperately, speaking fast, ‘you just got back from the army, so they’d definitely want to see something new from you.’  
   
Heechul gives him a glare. ‘Nice try.’  
   
‘You could kiss someone you haven’t before,’ Hyukjae goes on, obviously determined to win his argument. ‘There are still some members left that you haven’t got to yet.’  
   
‘Yah! You’re making me sound like some creepy, stalking serial killer!’  
   
‘Serial kisser,’ Jongwoon corrects him almost automatically. He grins when Heechul glowers dangerously at him. ‘Hyukjae has a point, though, Heebongie. I don’t think it’s a bad idea, actually.’  
   
‘Yeah!’ His dongsaeng cries ecstatically, flashing all thirty two of his teeth in a victorious, gummy smile. ‘See? I’m a genius! Oh and – and,  _Jongwoon hyung_. You haven’t kissed Jongwoon hyung yet, either! You could totally do him tomorrow night!’  
   
Jongwoon suddenly wishes he has not spoken at all.  
   
‘I know what you’re trying to do, Hyukjae; you’re still trying to avoid me,’ Heechul snaps, scowling at the man in question.  
   
Jongwoon breathes a sigh of relief, glad that his hyung has not taken Hyukjae’s bait, but then Heechul turns his head to gaze at him and a thoughtful look crosses his brown eyes.  
   
‘But come to think of it,’ he mutters, ‘Hyukkie is right. I  _haven’t_  ever kissed you before, have I?’  
   
_Oh no._  Hyukjae is clearly not the only one in danger of being mouth-raped now.  
   
‘And that’s just as well, hyung,’ Jongwoon says hastily, trying to sound nonchalant and convincing. ‘I don’t think Heechul kissing Yesung is a sight anybody wants to see.’  
   
‘Are you kidding me?’ Hyukjae exclaims just as Heechul scoffs at his remark. ‘People will be thrilled!’  
   
‘But you know I’m not all that fond of fanservice!’  
   
Heechul snorts and deliberately digs the back of his head deeper into Jongwoon’s stomach. ‘That’s rich coming from the man that roughhouses with Siwon and hugs Ryeowook and drapes himself all over Kyuhyun and feels Donghae all over in every damn concert.’  
   
‘He does that to me, too!’ Hyukjae pipes up and grins insolently at Jongwoon as he shamelessly pushes Heechul’s wavering heart towards the unfortunate singer.  
   
‘That’s different,’ the poor man insists, frowning unappreciatively. ‘I do that ‘cause I love you guys and hyung, you yourself said hugging and all that are normal for us. That’s not  _fanservice_.’  
   
‘You kiss them, too,’ Hyukjae adds stubbornly.  
   
‘On the  _cheek_! And in that respect, so do you, Lee Hyukjae, you brat. Stop trying to pin this on me.’ With an irritated huff, Jongwoon turns back to Heechul. ‘The answer is no, Heebongie; I don’t like that sort of fanservice.’  
   
‘You’re just as useless as he is,’ Heechul exclaims, jabbing a finger at Hyukjae who does not seem to resent the superficial insult. ‘Seriously, the way you two throw such a fuss about this – people would think your lips are still virgin or something!’  
   
There is a pause and then Hyukjae and Jongwoon both burst into uncontrollable giggles, the latter pounding the mattress with his fist as his dongsaeng clings to his shoulder, shrieking with mirth.  
   
‘What?’ snaps Heechul dangerously, even more irritated by the fact that his head is currently bouncing to the rhythm of Jongwoon’s laughter as his stomach – Heechul’s pillow – shakes with his hysterics.  
   
‘Vir – virgin lips,’ Hyukjae chokes out and the both of them dissolve into laughter again.  
   
‘Yah, stop that! My head hurts!’  
   
It is a good minute before the duo calm down. Hyukjae shoots a huge grin at Heechul, ‘Our lips are still virgin? Good one, hyung. I’m using that next time I want to tease a friend who still hasn’t kissed anyone.’  
   
‘Much better than plain old  _you still haven’t got your first kiss_ , huh?’ Jongwoon adds, snorting.  
   
Heechul gapes at them for a moment before throwing up his hands in frustration. ‘Are you retarded or something?! Honestly, I can’t believe you two idiots actually found that  _funny_. I wasn’t even trying.’  
   
‘Probably why we did find it funny,’ Jongwoon snickers. ‘It’s not, but you said it so seriously with such a straight face. And it was  _you_  saying it.’  
   
Heechul deadpans. ‘I fail to see your point. And why should it be funny – and hell, what the bloody heck are we talking about now –  _you two are just trying to distract me, aren’t you, you sneaky brats_?!’  
   
Jongwoon and Hyukjae begin to laugh again and Heechul reaches to cuff them both on their heads. ‘Idiots. Would you just shut up and listen to me?’  
   
‘We’re listening, hyung,’ Hyukjae chortles.  
   
‘I’m being serious here,’ Heechul says loudly. ‘Really, when it comes to this, you guys act like schoolgirls who haven’t even gone on dates, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re just as experienced as I am!’  
   
The latter part of his peeve makes quite an impact and the two younger men immediately stop playing around, smiles fading and question marks forming above their heads. ‘What?’  
   
‘Yes, you,’ Heechul snaps testily, scowling. ‘Both of you have kissed men before. On the frickin’ lips. Don’t act like I’m the only one who does this sort of fanservice.’  
   
Jongwoon and Hyukjae exchange perplexed looks. ‘We have?’ they ask each other in unison.  
   
‘Hyung,’ Hyukjae says uncertainly, looking down at Heechul who is glowering at both of them. ‘What are you talking about? I – I haven’t ... I mean – you’re the only one I –’  
   
‘If I’ve ever kissed a man before, especially on the mouth, even if only for fanservice, I’d definitely remember it,’ Jongwoon says firmly, folding his arms across his chest and crocking an eyebrow at the older man lying on his stomach. ‘And I don’t.’  
   
‘Oh really?’ Heechul smirks. ‘Then why do I seem to remember you both kissing ... each other?’  
   
With that, the two men in question are once more left staring at each other, mouths agape, this time both leaning their bodies slightly away.  
   
‘When have we ever –?’  
   
‘The hell, hyung, do you  _kiss_  us when you come to assault our philtrums every night or something?! Ew, OK, that just takes it to a whole new level of creepiness!’  
   
‘What,  _no_! Just because I like touching lips doesn’t mean I’m inclined to orally molest them!’  
   
‘The fact that you have a philtrum fetish is in itself one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard of!’  
   
‘I’m not sexually attracted to your philtrums or anything!’  
   
‘That explains why you need to creep into our rooms and touch them at night.’  
   
‘ _You’re_  the glorified porn maniac! How do I know  _you_  don’t creep into our rooms to find some sick form of release for your sexual frustrations?!’  
   
‘ _What_?! That’s just insane –!’  
   
‘Oh and – and –  _and_  you were about to unleash that slumbering beast within you on me tonight just before Heebongie came in!’  
   
‘Slumbering beast – what the hell?! No! I told you I was trying to shut you up, hyung –’  
   
‘BY RAPING ME?!’  
   
‘I WASN’T TRYING TO RAPE YOU!’  
   
‘OK, SHUT UP!’ bellows Heechul, pounding the bed with his fists and the two of them immediately freeze, breathing hard and faces flushed. Heechul heaves a sigh, exasperated. ‘Why do I have to breathe the same air as you two retards? I was  _talking_  about that silly kiss. Remember? In the public swimming pool?’  
   
Hyukjae and Jongwoon stare blankly at Heechul, and then at each other before comprehension strikes them and their jaws drop.  
   
‘Heebongie, are you for real!’  
   
‘That underwater air exchange thing? Seriously, hyung?’  
   
‘You both kissed a ton of men that time!’ Heechul states stubbornly, coolly raising an eyebrow. Adjusting himself to a more comfortable position, he continues, ‘There were, what, five or six of us in your group? You both plus Hangeng, Youngwoon, Sungmin and ... who am I missing? Was there another? Ah yes, Ryeowookie! See? And I know for a fact all of you kissed each other while practising, so that means you have six times the experience of kissing a man, not counting how many times you must have repeated it with each one of them.’  
   
‘Heechul hyung!’ exclaims Hyukjae and, with a suffering groan, hides his red face in Jongwoon’s shoulder again. ‘It was underwater air exchange. Like CPR. That doesn’t count.’  
   
‘And it was on a show,’ Jongwoon adds, nodding. ‘Not quite the same as the fanservice you’re talking about, Heebongie.’  
   
‘Are you messing with me?’ Heechul demands. ‘What else is it, if not fanservice? You shove one little scene like that in an episode and the viewer ratings skyrocket for the entire season! Of course it’s freakin’ fanservice!’  
   
‘We don’t get a say in it; we’re kinda forced into it, hyung. Even if we don’t like it.’  
   
‘You didn’t look like you minded it all that much,’ Heechul remarks, smirking.  
   
‘ _Later_ , you mean,’ Jongwoon corrects him. ‘Not at first.’  
   
Hyukjae nods vigorously in agreement. ‘We all hated it at first. But then we just got over it after the first few tries, I guess.’  
   
‘But not over it enough to do a tiny kiss with me?’ Heechul challenges at once and Hyukjae shuts up. The former rolls his eyes. ‘What about you, Jongwoon? Come on, you know now kissing between men is not as huge a disaster as people make it seem. I mean, you’ve even kissed that brat.’  
   
‘But still,’ Jongwoon tries to argue, vaguely aware of Hyukjae pouting at having been called a brat again.  
   
‘Hell, you’ve even kissed Donghae!’ Heechul exclaims, sitting up abruptly. ‘How could I forget that...’  
   
‘Hyung, that was on a show, too,’ begins Jongwoon, feeling his patience run thin, but then all of sudden, Hyukjae straightens up and declares,  
   
‘Yeah, and did you know, Donghae really enjoyed that kiss!’  
   
A ringing silence follows these words and Hyukjae smiles brightly, unfazed by the two pairs of bulging eyes boring holes through his skull. Neither Heechul nor Jongwoon moves a muscle. Then,  
   
‘What the hell did you do to our Donghae?’ Heechul shrieks and makes a lung for Jongwoon’s throat, wrapping his fingers dangerously – but not tight enough to truly cause damage – around it and shaking him. ‘What  _sorcery_  did you use to _corrupt_  my poor boy’s innocent  _soul_  while you were shoving your  _tongue_  down his  _throat_  –!’  
   
‘Hyung,  _hyung_!’ Jongwoon shouts frantically, managing to throw his hands off his throat and shoving the elder away. Massaging his neck, he backs away from Heechul a bit before turning his eyes on Hyukjae, frowning. ‘OK, first of all, there was absolutely no shoving of tongues down anywhere! Ew. Secondly, that thing with Donghae would hardly count as a “kiss” and you should both know why if you’ve seen it. And lastly, Donghae obviously did  _not_  like it which, again, you should know why if you’ve seen it.’  
   
‘Of course, he liked it,’ Hyukjae says airly, waving a dismissive arm. ‘You all know how he has that oral fixation issue. He loves to be kissed.’  
   
‘And you have the authority to say that because ...?’ Heechul raises an eyebrow, the corners of his lips curling almost evilly.  
   
Catching on to the implication, Jongwoon lets out a bark of laughter. ‘Firsthand experience?’  
   
Hyukjae turns red faster than a set of traffic lights. ‘ _No_! Of course it’s not like that!’  
   
‘Yeah, I’m convinced,’ Heechul sniggers.  
   
Hyukjae looks ready to start flailing again, but forgoing the fruitless self defence, he simply decides to say confidently, ‘Anyway, just believe me when I say that Donghae will have no objection to a kiss from anyone ... and hyung, you haven’t kissed Donghae yet, either, right?’  
   
Heechul stops smirking immediately. ‘... Hyukjae ... could you be any less subtle? Now you’re obviously trying to make me go for Donghae instead of you.’  
   
‘It’s a swell idea,’ his dongsaeng insists pigheadedly. ‘Everyone knows Donghae is your favourite. Or even Ryeowookie! You could totally kiss Wookie! The fans wouldn’t know what to do with themselves.’ He finishes his point with a proud, gummy grin.  
   
‘I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, either, if you keep this up, Lee Hyukjae. Because the more you’re trying to avoid me, the more you’re making me determined to go for you, I hope you realise that?’  
   
Hyukjae’s mouth drops open and his eyes increase to the size of saucers. ‘H-h-hyung!’  
   
‘Good one, Heebongie,’ Jongwoon chuckles.  
   
‘The same goes for you, too, Kim Jongwoon.  _You’ve_  been trying to get away, too!’  
   
‘What – but, but ...!’ Jongwoon stares at the older man in disbelief. Heechul looks back stubbornly at them and Jongwoon feels like digging a hole in the ground and burying himself alive. God knows that when Kim Heechul makes up his mind to have something, he bloody will go to any lengths to have it – and now, it looks like “it” will be either Hyukjae or himself.  
   
‘Why do your fanservice methods have to be so extreme?’ he groans. ‘Can’t you just settle for a friendly hug, Heebongie? Or a kiss on the cheek, if you must?’  
   
‘Hello? Who do you think you are talking to?’  
   
‘Or just rub the philtrum like me? I don’t know why you people find it so weird, but I find that to be a perfectly endearing way of showing affection to my dongsaengs, while at the same time, giving the fans something to squeal about. They like it when I touch philtrums –’  
   
‘Wouldn’t you like to know what  _I’d_  do with your frickin’ philtrum,’ mutters Heechul huffily to himself, rolling his eyes. But then a sudden glint comes to them and he looks back at the grumbling Jongwoon, lips pulling up in a diabolical smile.  
   
‘All right, let’s do it you way. Rubbing philtrums it is!’  
   
Jongwoon looks up, surprised. ‘Really?’  
   
‘Yes. Tomorrow night, I’ll rub my philtrum with yours, nothing more,’ declares Heechul with a startling grin.  
   
The younger man blinks before breaking out in a relieved smile. ‘Oh, I’m so glad you’ve come around to my way of thinking, Heebongie! It really is better to just –’  
   
‘Whoa, hold up there, hyung,’ Hyukjae interjects suddenly, frowning. ‘Rub your philtrum ...? Did you mean ... to kiss him, Heechul hyung?’  
   
Heechul raises an eyebrow nonchalantly. ‘Did I say that? I only said rubbing philtrums.’  
   
‘Hyung, you said rubbing your philtrum  _with_  Jongwoon hyung’s! You can’t rub both your philtrums together without ending up kissing. It’s a given!’  
   
Jongwoon blinks, trying to absorb what he is hearing.  _Wait..._  
   
‘Huh, you’re not as dumb as you usually act, eh, Hyukkie?’ Heechul’s expression suddenly gives way to an amused smirk and he moves to slide off the bed. ‘But it’s decided now. Rubbing our philtrums together it is, Jongwoon. Look forward to it!’  
   
His dongsaeng starts at the mention of his name, still trying to digest what he has just realised, but his brain is refusing to accept. ‘Rubbing our philtrums together ... Kissing? Wait ... Oh  _damn_. Heebongie, WAIT!’  
   
‘I can’t believe you just coined a whole new phrase for kissing!’ Hyukjae adds incredulously, staring after Heechul who is making for the door. ‘ _Rubbing philtrums_  ... wow.’  
   
‘Heechul hyung!’ yelps Jongwoon after the older man, ignoring Hyukjae, but Heechul does not stop and saunters out of his hotel room – his very gait screaming self-satisfaction – blowing both of them a kiss on his way.  
   
Numb and slowly filling with horrified realisation, Jongwoon leans back against the headboard, his eyes wide. ‘So ... so ... tomorrow night at the concert ... in front of all of Bangkok ... he’s going to ... he’s ...?’  
   
‘Gonna kiss you senseless, yes,’ Hyukjae supplies helpfully with a very matter-of-fact nod. ‘Huh, I still can’t believe that he just coined “rubbing philtrums together” as the new phrase for  _kissing_. Seriously! Heechul hyung never ceases to amaze me!’  
   
Jongwoon stares blankly at his dongsaeng for a moment. Then everything finally sinks in and, before he knows it, he finds himself pelting Hyukjae with his pillow with all his might.  
   
‘GET OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW! LEE HYUKJAE. THIS. IS. ALL.  _YOUR_.  _BLOODY_.  _FAULT!_  GET OUT!’  
 

~***~

And so it is that the next night, during their Bangkok concert, Kim Jongwoon finds himself trapped by Kim Heechul – despite all his calculated efforts to stay as far away from the other man as possible during all the performances – and gets his philtrum thoroughly rubbed by Heechul’s own, evoking a very loud and enthusiastic reaction from the fangirl-packed audience. And then Heechul, releasing the humiliated singer, promptly stalks up to an unsuspecting Lee Hyukjae, whips him around by the arm, and rubs their philtrums together too – so aggressively and for so long that the dancer feels the tingling burn from it for the rest of the night – before striding to the front of the very ecstatic and chaotic onlookers and blowing kisses to the happy crowd.  
   
Because Kim Heechul is Kim Heechul and, naturally, gets whatever he wants, and after having spent two long years away in the army, he successfully re-establishes his glorious position as the resident  ~~man-whore~~  serial kisser of Super Junior.

**Author's Note:**

> All the "kisses" mentioned in this fic did happen (and can still be viewed on Youtube, I believe).  
> \- The underwater air exchange "kisses" is a reference to Ep 12 of SJ's old show, EHB.  
> \- Heechul did indeed rape Hyukjae's face during SS3 Bangkok, making me a happy shipper *.*  
> \- Yesung "kissed" Donghae (for lack of a better term) on Unbelievable Outing S3 Ep 12


End file.
